Guilty
by navycorpsman
Summary: If loving Neela Rasgotra was a crime, Ray Barnett was certainly guilty.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic. They are owned by NBC, ER, etc.

Song is Blue "GUILTY"

Rating: FRT

Spoilers: None that I Know of...

Content Warning: Possible Strong Language

**A/N: This is the first story in a series of 4…this focuses on Ray. Please read and review…if you want me to go ahead and start posting the entire series.

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_If it's wrong to tell the truth_

_What am I supposed to do_

_All I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)_

_If it's wrong to do what's right_

_I'm prepared to testify_

_If loving you with all my heart's a crime_

_Then I'm guilty

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Ray watched as Neela and Gates walked off. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to kick the shit out of Gates. Once word was out that Neela was a free woman, Gates moved in rather quick. It hadn't ever been a surprise to people that Gates would. After all, he had eyes on 'Mayday', as he called her, since her ride along. Not being able to stand the sight of Neela and Gates together, Ray made his way to the lounge, half upset that gin and tonic were not readily available. He knew he'd need to get drunk to erase that memory, even if it was for a little bit. He sighed. "Guess Chuni's coffee is as good as a G & T." He spoke aloud to himself.

He poured a cup, debating on whether or not to make a fresh pot. He decided sitting was a better idea, so he sat on the couch, propping his feet on the table and leaning his head back. "You okay?" Abby's voice echoed softly in the near empty lounge.

"What does she see in him, Abby?" Ray sat up properly. "She no sooner becomes a widow than Gates, the goddamned vulture he is, swoops down and…"

Abby smiled. "Don't read too much into it, Ray." She sat next to him, holding her cup. "She's not looking for something serious. I promise you Gates is nothing more than rebound. Besides, why do you care so much?" Abby already knew the answer, but wanted to hear Ray say it.

Ray stood up. "She's my best friend, Abby. You think I'd care." His tone came across sharper and crisper than he wanted.

"Why do you two do this?"

"Do what?"

"Dance this dance?"

"What dance, Abby?" Ray dumped his coffee, deciding it wasn't as good as a gin and tonic after all.

"We can all see how much you two care for each other." Abby sipped her coffee. "Who let Morris back?" She laughed.

"Chuni made the coffee this morning." Ray laughed as he glanced at his watch. "Guess we've been too busy to stop for coffee because it's been sitting there for a few hours."

"UGH! Burnt coffee!" Abby dumped hers down the drain as well and started to make another pot. "You have to tell her, Ray."

"Tell her what, Abby? That I think she's making a mistake? And what do you think will happen?" Ray leaned against the counter. "She practically pushed me out of her life after Gallant died. What do you think she'd do if I told her?" He crossed his arms.

Abby followed Ray's lead. "I'd tell her you're guilty."

Ray laughed a little laugh. "Guilty? Of what crime?"

As Abby prepared to answer, Sam stuck her head in the door. "Two GSW's. ETA two minutes."

Abby looked at Ray. "You know the crime you're guilty of."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic. They are owned by NBC, ER, etc.

Song is Blue "GUILTY"

Rating: FRT

Spoilers: None that I Know of...

Content Warning: Possible Strong Language

**A/N: This is the first story in a series of 4…this focuses on Ray. Please read and review…if you want me to go ahead and start posting the entire series.

* * *

**

_I never want to play the games that people play _

_I never want to hear the thing they gotta say _

_I've found everything I need _

_I never wanted anymore than I can see _

_I only want you to believe_

_

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For a couple days, Ray kept to himself, not sure of what to do about Neela and Gates. Try as he did, Ray couldn't escape the looks of victory from Gates. Often, Ray would retreat to the doctor's lounge, thankful that Gates couldn't follow him there. On this occasion, Ray stood, looking out the window, watching the rain falling.

"Can we talk?" Ray recognized Neela's voice, but he ignored her. "Ray?"

"What, Neela? Talk about Gates and how wonderful he is and how much you enjoy spending time with him?" Ray kept his back to her so she wouldn't see the hurt in his eyes.

"No. First of all, Gates is a good guy, and second of all, I talked with Abby."

Ray sighed heavily. He hoped Abby hadn't betrayed his trust. "What did she say?"

"She was worried. You're not sleeping or eating well and she thought that I could talk to you." Neela moved behind him.

He could feel how close she was. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her; to tell her what was going on with him, but he was too hurt and too prideful. "Tell me why you care so much, Neela."

"You're my best friend."

Ray walked over to pour a cup of coffee, slightly relieved to be out of Neela's web. "If how you've treated me that past year is how you treat your best friend, I'd fucking hate to be your enemy." He knew he shouldn't have said that, but he justified it by telling himself it needed to be said, but he knew there was no justification when he saw Neela's eyes glaze over with hurt.

"Is that what you think? You think I've pushed you away because I hate you?"

"What am I supposed to think, Neela? I always thought that when you cared about someone, and you needed help, you reached out to them for strength. You, on the other hand, have pushed me away when I wanted nothing more then to help. You can't do everything alone, Neela. That's why we have friends, but dammit. I don't' even know where I stand with you anymore. At one point, that was very clear. Now? What am I to you, Neela? Your best friend or former roomie?" Ray sipped his coffee.

Neela's eyes filled with tears. "You're a bloody wanker, Ray. I came in to talk to you and then you…well, seems to me you have done to me what you claim I've done to you." She began to leave, only to be stopped by a quick footed Ray, standing between her and the door. "Move, Ray."

"No." He put his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "You don't see it, do you? You never have. I don't play games, Neela, and you, more than anyone should know that."

"I don't, Ray. Apparently, I don't really know you like I thought I did." Neela slapped his hand away from her face. "Like it or not, I'm dating Gates and you are my best friend. Now, move, please."

"No." Ray was stubborn. "I can't."

"Why not?"

Ray smiled. "Someone must have dropped a soda or something and I think my foot's stuck to the floor."

His joke made Neela laugh and roll her eyes. "Seriously, Ray. I've got work to do."

"This isn't over, Neela." Ray moved out of her way.


End file.
